Posted: January 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

Ever have one of those days where everything you try to communicate is misunderstood? Or accidentally use the wrong word and have the person you are talking to grab onto it like a lifeline and not let it go, no matter how long or hard you try to explain?

Jeesh, I am exhausted from trying.

I will be the first to admit that I don’t do well under pressure.  When someone starts getting loud or the emotions get tense, well, then I get tense and my “flight or fight” senses go “Fly!  Fly, damn you!!”  But I don’t.  I stay and try to explain myself which lately ends up in me having to explain even more. Up to and including items from years and years ago.

Then, eventually I grow a backbone and try to be calm and reasonable and that quickly melts down into me behaving horribly (yelling, loosing my cool, screaming even, along with the cussing) and then I hear myself and feel like crap for letting words bother me like that.

So, with the wind out of my sails, I state my feelings.  My self truths.  The way I see it and invite the other person to take it how they want.  I have no control over it.  I’m done.

Now I feel a bit like – I don’t care.  And I’m not sure if I like this level of uncaring.  But I sure as hell won’t be bringing it up in conversation.

Oh no.  I may have a hard time communicating but I am a quick learner.

Wednesday starts the Month of Letters Challenge (website here:  I like communicating in letters.  I have to slow down and think about what I’m writing – not that occasionally my brain goes faster than my hand and I have to make some corrections, but it’s the time of writing and reading over what I wrote that perhaps gives me a chance to make sure I am being clear.

Maybe I should start writing notes instead of talking.  But I’d still have to listen.

Eh. So much for brillant ideas



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